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What a shitfest.
I'm sick of kids being duped into shelling out money for this fucking reunion tour bullshit. My attitude towards old bands reuniting has become more and more hostile with every one I've seen lately. Now there ARE some bands that still
have it. When Slaughter and the Dogs played the Fireside with The Riffs, it was fantastic. This is the barometer with which I measure the coolness of other old bands reuniting. You can tell when a band is reuniting just to make money, or whether they actually give a shit about putting on a good show for people, this other end of the spectrum was exemplified by the Cheetah Chrome (of the Dead Boys) show at the Note last year. It was painful to watch/hear, you could tell the guy just wanted to get paid and break out. I guess a couple speedballs or something would temper the fact that you're touring the U.S. on the strength of a good album you and the rest of your band released 20 years ago and musically sucking an asshole night after night. Why the fuck do I need to see the guitar player of The Dead Boys, with an all scab lineup? I might as well be at karoake night, at least there might be hot girls there.
Basically my experiance at Riotfest this year went like this: I arrived halfway through 7 Second's set. They sounded bored and I was bored. The cover of 99 red balloons was particularly bad. Stiff Little Fingers nearly bored me to death, no joke.
The music wasn't even that loud, which in this rare case was a good thing. They sounded like dad-rock. I retreated to the back, sat down, and smoked a couple ciggarettes....trying to justify further audio punishment via over the hill rockers. I couldn't so I left.
The next night the Bad Brains were playing. i had heard a lot of stories about HR's weird behavior, and had to see it for myself firsthand. I wasn't sure whether they were going to play "I luv I Jah" for the entire duration of the set, if HR would freak out and start doing backflips, or if they would even show up at all. Immediately before them, a band called Sludgeworth went on who sounded like they'd be right at home on a 93.9 lite-fm playlist. The Bad Brains followed them in a fairly timely manner (contrary to what I was expecting). HR was indeed cracked out, but at least it seemed like he was happy to be there. The letdown came when I realized he didn't intend on actually singing, just basically talking into the microphone and making up the words as he went along. The band was very musically together even if HR wasn't, and the dub songs they played were very well executed. It was worth it because, well, it was the original lineup of the Bad Brains and you never know what's going to happen, and I'll admit that the set was ok due to the weirdness and the good dub.
There were a lot of mongoloids at Riot Fest walking around with an attitude. It makes me glad that these clowns only come out for one shitty show a year. (well two if you count ozzfest) I guess it all makes sense when you take into account that you're attending a "punk rock" show that charges $6.00 for a beer. It reminded me of an indoor warped tour except that I had more fun at warped tour (I saw Joan Jett last year and she rocked) Word on the street is that last year the Riotfest promoters called the cops on a basement show that was held the same night as Riotfest. The DIY venue had a good relationship with their neighbors and never had the cops show up in 4 years of doing shows. Makes you wonder. I will say this, Riotfest can attone for it's crimes against the ears and pocketbooks of the attendees. They can do this by booking Cocksparrer. If this happens, I will have this rant taken down and will sing the praises of Riotfest Productions for years to come. I'll even overlook the 6 dollar beers, not sure if I can get past the snitching though. One thing's for sure, I doubt they'll be putting me on the guest list next year.
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Grrrrls Rock…..or don’t! Please.
So below is a list of bands with female fronts all the rage, trend and bandwagon right now ranging, though mostly embedded in a goth look, from emo-ish to heavy metal, but this crew is of the heavy and or want to be up in the rock and that’s the contemporary focus here and why I am not talking Garbage, Cranberries, Veruca Salt type shit as that is a whole ‘nother world of hurt I am not ready to discuss at this time. Point is two fold; 1. We can't sustain this many female fronted hard rock outfits. 2. When a girl rocks out I feel a bit uncomfortable, warm in the cheeks for them, and am usually grossed so here we go:
Have we not learned anything from Vixen and Heart? Only one or two of these female fronted heavy outfits ever get through and long term outside the two aforementioned most fade away well shy of greatness with no real musical mark outside of an Ozzy ballad collaboration. Evanescence and Paramore feel real and that would be the two if my count is correct and with Flyleaf an industry snowjob fronted by a troll, who the hell are the rest of these groups stepping up to the female fronted hard rock? Well I am about to educate you on a few of them.
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1. Flyleaf - I didnt know the bandwagon would include female trolls and I had no idea what an ugly fucking band they were until I looked for a picture on line and I really can't believe how awful that acoustic stuff is these guys are trying to sell. This whole thing feels like the first to impact a post evanescence landscape and they may have gotten a few records through, but why? The Female front. I am sick of the, "this is so powerful I have bugs all over me and I cant control my arms as I slide them up and down my neck and over my face then clutch the mike with both hands for the hard part of the one song you will forever not be known for and this shaking and rocking and looking off into space to the right or the left as if posessed by the rock," as it seems so predictable and a cop out in front of the camera flailing your short arms and shit sista. Gross melodrama in the rock is dumb, This is how they tell girls to move when they cant dance, real amateur in your video and tell the rest of the band too that the song doesn't bust out as much as they are acting. No one wants to look at some want to be wierd insane girl when they want to rock, chances are you remind them of that sick ex. Ga............ross. |
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| 2. In This Moment - in this moment I am thinking...1. OK rack 2. OK ink, but as I look closer she is exactly why I don't want to see some girls rock out. The above is like catching a glimpse of what this hag will look like in her late 50's taking it in the ass. No thanks. |
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| 3. Nightwish - I feel like this band may have been doing it in the days of Heart and Lita Ford as their name is not new to me. Anyway wishing for night may not be enough here, complete darkness may do it, but all we can do is hope and wish. No one wants to see the bad white girl dance to european keyboard rock with finnish accents on the cheese english lyrics. The operettic mouth movements is like that girl you fucked and she made like gross faces and sounds when she came and you are glad she got off, but it was really tough to watch. |
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4. Arch Enemy - I dont know what to say as I know nothing about them, but she looks pretty enough in the press shots, though you wouldn't know it here, but just like the trend I did no more research and definitely didn't give the music a listen as its not about the music, its about the female front. I see mileage on that grill no matter what the bio says. And I watched you rock out hun... manowar doesnt have the word woman in it, give king diamond back his moves. I thought you girls were in these bands cuz you could sing or some shit, not frontin bands to do some vox. No one wants to see a woman act hard and your cowboy hat, poses on the floor and shit, just further proves you were a dancer first or still are to pay the bills. |
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| 5. After Forever - do these labels have anything better to spend their money on than backcovers for shit like this. This ones faces while rockin' out are somehwere between putting on cold heorroid cream or sticking a small dildo up her ass for the first time. Your rock ain't that deep, believe me and fans (not fans like people that buy your music and go to shows, the type that blow...cough, cough metaphor) dont make you hot honey. |
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6. I am so bored of my jokes at this point, maybe this article was a mistake, maybe there isn't enough here for a piece or maybe I actually have to listen to some of this crap. Would a blue haired joke be too obvious? Screamo bwaaaa with tough faces looks so silly coming from a girl. Anyone who is really hard laughs at your attempt to be. Girls ain't hard and they can't rock out. The 'smooth it out with that ok female fronted voice on what you assbags think is a hook,', so beat. |
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| 7. Bring Me The Horizon - the emo Joan Jett? |
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8. Any excuse I can find to ask if everyone else thinks the two short chubby ones look like a lesbian couple, I take. |
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| 9. Grigori 3 - very predictable hair dews on all members of this female fronted Grigori. I am a little scared. I hope you are from Europe Grigori as that would be the only excuse for the stereotypical dews and hun you are broader than everyone in your band and I bet they use the word rawk. |
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| 3. Lacuna Coil - actually I love them and think she is hot. There is real passion behind this band and I hoped that the article got passed enough around the internet, as its funny as hell, and more people would discover the one band that does deserve the attention for female led rock. |
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Girls rocking out is like the Seinfeld about good naked and bad naked. Most girls rocking out are bad naked and as gross as a naked girl struggling with a sauce jar between her legs and every muscle in her body flexed and as she squats to twist off the jar top, everything (roast beef curtains) pushed out, and it ends up leaving a welt and in the end she doesn’t get the lid off.
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| c-rap@c-rap.com |
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